REACT: Dumbledore gay ... Rowling wrong.

J. K. Rowling has revealed to the world that her fictional character is gay – giving his title as Headmaster a whole new meaning. It turns out that Dumbledore is more an old queen than a wizard – unless, of course, he is a wizard in bed. Now we have to look the phallic implication of all those wands.

Since Dumbledore is only an imaginary figure, and since his fictional gayness has never been integrated into the Harry Potter story line, one must assume that the outing was solely for publicity. It worked. The gender preference of the old geezer is now the subject of more media attention than Congressman Mark Foley’s emails and Senator Larry Craig’s bathroom acrobatics.

However, her revelation leads me to wonder how fictional characters can be gay. Since his only traits are limited to those committed to print, he does not seem to be sexual. I could speculate that he is former skinhead … maybe a woman passing as a man … the bastard son of Rasputin. Off paper, he is nothing.

Now that she has outed Dumbledore with an out of text persona, are we not entitled to the salacious details of his past sexual experiences? Forget about the sad erotic obsession with nemesis, Gellert Grindelwald, which left the wizard traumatized. I am sure as a once handsome gay man, he had his share of steamy relationships. Will we ever know if he is a top or bottom? (If you do now know what that means, ask a gay friend). Maybe he is a secret crossdresser (Are those flamboyant robes a hint?) He into leather? Oh wow! Maybe a child abuser? Lot of that going around these days.

And ... while she is tattling, why only the gay thing. Let’s hear about the sex lives of the others. Who has been bonking who? When? Where? Why? Does Harry masturbate? Why not totally trash the legacy of Harry Potter by turning it into fodder for the porn mill?

Don’t get me wrong. I like the Potter books. Nice fiction. I do not share the equally unfounded assessment that they promote witchcraft. I do think it is unfortunate, however, that Rowling had to stoop to crass publicity to draw more attention to herself and her books – as if she needs more. Geeez!

She seemed delighted to presage the wrath of religious fundamentalists. Of course, there will be the predicted reaction. She has poked them in the posterior with her magic wand. I can only imagine the Dumbledore cartoon porn that must be flowing onto the Internet, as we speak.

It is just unfortunate that Rowling would bring adult issues to a children’s story.